


From dust to mud

by KafkaTamura



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Bad Ending, Character Death, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, I hope that is enough tags, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Sans (Undertale) Remembers Resets, Sans and Papyrus are miserable in this, Undertale Saves and Resets, tell me if i missed something
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-28 01:01:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21128198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KafkaTamura/pseuds/KafkaTamura
Summary: Sans could remember the resets, but even he didn't know what happened after he died.What if, in one timeline, tired of seeing his brother die over and over, he decided he had enough and died in his stead?Sans was glad he never got to remember that time line. Small mercies, right?





	From dust to mud

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings! This is angsty af! Please don’t read if you don’t want to cry! Also death happens, and even with the resets it’s still really painful!
> 
> This isn’t proper Fontcest but I taggued it because they really really love each other in this one and because I like the ship, so. I can’t ever see this strictly platonic.
> 
> I’m new to the fandom by the way, only played the game recently, but I’m so hooked! I hope I’ll be able to write other fics as well (I have a few ideas, but let’s see how that pans out).
> 
> If you haven’t guessed from the summary, this is basically a fic about Papyrus dealing with Sans’ death. So yeah, as I said, angsty. No comfort at the end either, sorry.
> 
> Anyways, have a good read!

If Sans had to guess, he would say he had lived through at least a hundred resets, probably more. He couldn’t remember the first ones though, so that was merely an estimation.

He wasn’t sure why he started to remember, but he knew for a fact that he was the only one. He had tried, in more than one timeline, to ask for help, to warn his friends. He had given up in the end, because the resets always happened no matter what.

Perhaps the most difficult part was that Sans never could be sure what would happen in each timeline. One reset the human would kill them all, without talking or even showing any emotion, and the next they would befriend everyone and liberate them. Sans had tried, but for the life of him, he couldn’t decipher a pattern to all this.

He had to conclude, much to his dismay, that there was no reason. The scientist in him had to accept that the human was having fun, doing things because they could, going on whims the way a child played make belief.

At that point, Sans had lived through a lot of lifetimes. Some had been horrible, tragic, simply catastrophic, but in some he had been the happiest of his life. Seeing the surface, witnessing the sun with his own eyes, just feeling the breeze on his face had been by far more than he had ever hoped for.

When Sans was feeling optimistic, he told himself that he could live through the bad if there was also good. That was always difficult to remember each time he ended up fighting in that damned hallway. 

The way it worked for him was that as soon as he died, he would wake up in his bed in Snowdin. If he hadn’t died, then he would black out for a second and wake up in his bed. Either way, he always ended up coming to the same place in time.

That meant, of course, that he would never know what happened after he died. He had a good idea however: since he usually fought the kid when he was one of the last left, there really wasn’t much the human could do after that.

There was only one time line where he had died early on. Sans had made a mistake he was sure to never, ever repeat. As much as it was always hard to watch his brother die, it was even harder to hurt Papyrus the way he knew was the most painful.

Saving Papyrus, while knowing he would come back anyway, wasn’t worth dying and leaving his brother alone to grieve him. It was probably selfish, but Sans needed to keep that pain to himself. He couldn’t bare to think about Paps feeling lost and alone without his big brother. The light going out of his eyes, his smile fading, probably grieving hard enough to seek revenge – that was... that was more than Sans could handle.

Sans wasn’t a good person, honestly never had been, so he didn’t care if he ended up killing the kid a thousand times. Gaining LOVE wasn’t something he wanted, but in some way he thought he deserved it. It’s not like he was evil, but he was prepared to do what he had to.

Papyrus, though, deserved to stay innocent and happy. He was a good person, the best person, Sans never wanted to see him lose faith in people, even if it got him killed. As long as he came back, Sans was willing to shield him from the ugly truth and pretend the human still had some good in them.

In that timeline, though... the kid had just done five resets in which they had killed Papyrus and no one else, probably just to get a rise out of him. And Sans, well, he was only a monster. He had a limit, and in that instant, watching his brother opening his arm to the human for the sixth time, he moved without even thinking about it.

Papyrus was his only brother, the monster he loved more than anyone else, more than his own life. There was a limit to how many times he could watch him die without trying to stop it.

The human knew it, too. They were smiling, Sans had seen it, before his eyes had closed. The last sound he had heard was his brother screaming his name in agony, before he had woken up in bed once again.

That scream, he heard it in his nightmares now. It was so chilling, so unlike his brother. Just thinking about what had happened next made Sans’ inside boil with anger, fear and guilt. 

Ignorance was bliss, as they say, and Sans, though it tormented him, knew he was better off not knowing.

****

There was something odd about Sans this morning. Papyrus knew his brother like the back of his hand and, while Sans had always been a lazybones, he had never been quite this... depressed?

It seemed to have happened over night too. One day, Sans was telling bad jokes, napping everywhere and purposefully misinterpreting his demands, and the next... he was doing exactly that, but there was something missing. Papyrus just knew his big brother had lost something! It was obvious in his eyes, the way he was looking at him. His smile was dimmer too, even though that was hard to see as he was a skeleton and therefore was always sort of smiling. 

Papyrus sighed, walking through the snow to his post. Perhaps he was worrying too much. Even though Sans was his big brother and had taken care of him his whole life, Papyrus couldn’t help but worry about him. Being this lazy wasn’t healthy, and with his only HP... of course Papyrus would worry!

Though, Sans had come this far, surely that meant he could at least take care of himself. 

Anyway, Papyrus had some puzzles to recalibrate, and he tried to concentrate on his work, but part of his attention stayed on his brother. Perhaps the great Papyrus could get a gift for his brother, that would surely bring up his spirits! 

However, as much as he thought about it, Papyrus had no idea. Oh, he knew what he himself would want – some action figures, a poster, books, Papyrus didn’t lack hobbies! But Sans never did anything except sleep, and the only effort he put was always towards pranks – even learning to play trombone had only been to plague his life with incidental music. Sans had no hobbies apart from that.

Oh, what to do. Papyrus couldn’t get beaten by his lack of imagination! Surely there was a great gift out there that Sans would love! 

Papyrus looked at his finished puzzle with pride, now ready to tackle the whole gift idea. Sans also liked to eat at Grillby’s, but that wasn’t really helpful. He seemed to be in love with his jacket, never taking it off even for sleeping, but that was probably because Papyrus had been the one to give it to him so many years ago.

Oh! That was an idea! Another piece of clothing, perhaps something even cooler, like his own scarf perhaps? But red wasn’t his brother’s color... and blue would be a tad too much, wouldn’t it? White would fit well but knowing Sans, he would drop ketchup on it on the first day...

A darker blue then? That way even if it got dirty, nobody could guess, and it would look nice with his outfit...

Papyrus clapped his hands in excitement, letting his laugh out without even realizing. He would have to get the fabric to sew it himself, because Sans had made his outfit and it was only fair he did the same for him. While walking to his other puzzle, Papyrus thought about where to buy it. Sans had to go all the way to Hotland to buy everything the last time, so Papyrus guessed he would have to go too.

He got to work on his second puzzle while humming one of his favorite songs. He hoped Sans would be happy. Well, of course he would be, it was a gift from the great Papyrus after all! There was no way Sans would be depressed after that!

Although, he guessed, if that didn’t work... Papyrus would have to hug him and make him confess what was wrong! Yes, that was a foolproof plan B!

When his shift ended, there was a spring in his steps – well, more than usual. He brought out his phone and called his big brother, although, predictably, Sans didn’t answer. He was always slacking off, and not at his post to boot! Honestly, what was he even doing out there in the woods?

He reached his brother’s post and, big surprise, the skeleton wasn’t there. Papyrus called him once more on his phone, before he shouted his name around him, hoping he was close enough to hear. When nothing but silence answered him, he decided to leave a note to his brother telling him he would be late that night.

His note left in evidence on the little cabin, Papyrus turned around and walked back to Snowdin. It would be a long walk all the way to Hotland, so, this time, since he was in a hurry, he took the boat and tried to make conversation with the riverperson. He ended up completely confused as usual. 

He got off the boat with a thank you, because he was always polite, and made for the MTT resort. He checked his phone once more, but still no news of Sans. Oh well, his brother was most certainly fine. Probably asleep somewhere. Papyrus hoped he wasn’t having a nightmare.

He reached the store and looked at all the fabric he could find. There were only three kinds with the color he wanted. One was scratchy when he felt it, and the second had little white dots on them. It wasn’t horrible, but also wasn’t what Papyrus wanted.

The third one, though. As soon as he touched it, Papyrus knew he had hit the jackpot. It felt so smooth, and comfy, even Papyrus wanted a scarf made in that material! Although his own was the coolest! 

He bought what he thought was the good amount considering Sans was smaller than him, and left the store singing another song, his ‘nyeh’ soft but full of enthusiasm. Sans would be so pleased, he would never want to take the scarf off! And they would be matching too, which was so cool! Sans was cool, although Papyrus was the coolest of course!

When he reached home, Sans was on the couch watching TV. They exchanged greetings as usual. Papyrus tried to hide his bag behind him, but his brother had enough time to see it.

“what do you got there paps?”

“OH NOTHING BROTHER! THIS IS ONLY NEW MATERIAL FOR MY PUZZLES!”

Sans made a doubtful sound, but thankfully he didn’t question further. Papyrus crossed the living room and went up the stairs to drop his precious cargo on his bed. He would begin his work tonight, and hopefully would be done by morning! Because the sooner he finished, the sooner he could give his gift and make Sans happy again.

He walked back down and to the kitchen. He hummed while preparing his usual spaghetti, so happy with his idea he could barely concentrate on his task. The spaghetti ended up a little more burned than usual, but Papyrus called it a success nonetheless.

He prepared plates for both him and his brother and sat down on the couch. They ate while watching Mettaton’s quiz show. They didn’t talk much, though Sans complimented him on his cooking skills per usual.

When they were done, Papyrus washed their dishes while thinking of a reason to skip their bedtime story. What could be not suspicious coming from him? 

He came back to the living room ready to improvise, only to witness Sans fast asleep on the couch. Papyrus smiled fondly and picked his brother in his arms, careful not to jolt him too much.

That happened often enough that Sans knew unconsciously it was him and never woke up. Papyrus was happy his brother felt so safe in his presence and always treasured these small moments, considering his brother wasn’t usually that affectionate with him. Oh, they hugged sometimes, but not nearly enough for Papyrus who craved all types of affection, especially from his brother.

Papyrus took his time bringing Sans to his room, and made sure his big brother was comfortable on his bed – even if it was too dirty to Papyrus’ standards. When Sans was tucked in, Papyrus stole one last look at his peaceful sleeping face and finally left the room, ready to begin making his gift!

He worked all night. Come morning, he had a beautiful scarf ready to give. He had bought a gifting bag too and carefully put the scarf in the bag. He was really proud of himself. Sans would be delighted! And Papyrus was already so happy!

Papyrus was impatient to give his gift, but decided to wait until after their work. Sans always woke up late, and Papyrus wanted to hug him for at least five minutes after giving him his cool gift, so they had no time in the morning. In the evening, Papyrus could even try to make his brother cuddle while watching television with him! Surely Sans wouldn’t say no after such a great gift?

In high spirits, even if he didn’t sleep one second, Papyrus put his gift in his closet to make sure Sans wouldn’t see it and went to prepare his morning spaghetti as usual. This morning, Sans woke up by himself, and, just like the day before, he looked like he hadn’t slept a wink – which was obviously false, Papyrus had seen him sleep after all.

Sans lightened up as soon as he saw his brother. Papyrus was happy to be helpful, even if he wanted to do even more.

They ate together and as soon as they were done, they walked through the forest, talking and joking. If he didn’t know any better, he would say Sans looked as happy as usual, but he did know better. 

Sans went on as his post was further and Papyrus watched him go with a thoughtful expression. Hopefully his gift would work! Or at least his plan B! Though, perhaps he should think of a plan C too just in case... 

He worked on his puzzle, but after a while he couldn’t take it and had to check on his brother. He could pretend he wanted to make sure he didn’t slack off too! It was true that a human could come anytime now and their puzzles needed to be in top shape! That wasn’t even pretending if what he was saying was true!

Full of enthusiasm, Papyrus walked through the snow, saluting each royal guard he passed, mentioning his brother as his reason to be there. This situation was nothing new, so the dogs weren’t suspicious. Doggo even wished him good luck, although Papyrus was pretty sure he needed no luck to deal with his brother.

Papyrus was pleasantly surprised when he caught sight of Sans. He wasn’t exactly at his post, but he was standing near enough to count as working. Although, it was pretty obvious from his position that he had been slacking off god knew where and only came back right now.

It was enough to send him in a long tirade about his lazybones brother and his lack of ambition. Sans merely punned to him in response, which made Papyrus mad as usual. Though, Sans kept insisting on the lamp, which was confusing and therefore annoying him further. Papyrus left his brother with a pun and a sigh, getting caught up in his brother’s rhythm as usual.

Of course, Papyrus was never really upset at Sans, he just wanted him to take his situation more seriously. Joking about everything like that couldn’t be healthy. It made it look like Sans didn’t care about anything, which wasn’t true... Sans cared about him at least, that much Papyrus was sure about.

Apparently, for once in his life, Sans hadn’t been slacking off and had found a human! Papyrus was beyond excited! Perhaps that was what his brother needed after all! They could have fun with this human, and then Papyrus would capture them and he would become a real royal guard and then Sans would have the coolest brother! That would surely make him not depressed anymore! Perhaps, with his new job, Papyrus could even pay for more things in the house, and Sans could work one less job, so he wouldn’t be so tired all the time!

The child went through all his puzzles too easily to his liking, but Papyrus was okay! He would capture the human, for sure, without any doubts whatsoever! If he had to beat them in a fight, so be it! He would never hurt them of course, but he would beat them as gently as he could and then capture them! That was his chance to shine and he wouldn’t miss it! He was too cool for that!

Still, something felt weird when he battled the child. Up until now, they had been friendly, and encouraging him with their smile and their patience. They had put up with a lot and Papyrus was grateful of course, but now that they were fighting they seemed... different. More aggressive?

Well obviously, they were fighting! You can’t fight without violence! Undyne always said that and she wasn’t wrong. But, well... Papyrus didn’t hate violence, because he hated nothing, but... he wasn’t a big fan? 

The child had a knife, too, and that had to be dangerous. Papyrus made sure his attacks weren’t deadly, but what if the human hurt themselves?

Not to mention that they were actually hurting him! Well, not much, of course, but enough to make him nervous. They would stop before they killed him right? They liked puzzles and they had been so gentle until now. There was no dust on their hands and they had no LOVE, Papyrus had checked them. He was worried over nothing, right?

Still, perhaps he should put an end to it. He checked their HP one last time, gauging what attacks he could do to knock them out without killing them. They had 4 HP left so his special attack was out of the question, put perhaps!

Papyrus had sparred a lot with Sans when they were younger, and although they hadn’t fought in a long time, he still knew how to inflict less than one HP of damage. To make them unconscious, he would have to make their HP drop to 0.5, which was more than feasible for the Great Papyrus!

“NYEH HEH HEH, I’VE GOT YOU HUMAN! NOW, STAY STILL!"

Papyrus had trapped the human in a prison of blue bones. The human knew by now not to move. He prepared his bones, calibrating exactly 3.5 damage.

He launched his attack and it landed superbly, making the human go limp, unconscious on the floor. Papyrus had done it! 

He really was the Great Papyrus after all!

His blue bones vanished as Papyrus walked towards the human, ready to take them home and put them in his prison until Undyne could come fetch them. He was thinking about the look of admiration on his friend’s face, which was why he didn’t think to check once more their HP. He also failed to notice them moving just enough to be able to use their knife.

The next few seconds passed so quickly that Papyrus barely registered what happened. Once second, he was leaning on the human, ready to pick them, and the next he was sat on the floor, a familiar blue jacket blocking his view on the human.

“papyrus!"

Papyrus opened his mouth, ready to ask what was going on, but he barely got his brother’s name out before Sans fell to his knees. By reflex, Papyrus sat up to catch his brother in his arms, but as he was about to check him, he heard an ominous laugh.

The human hadn’t said a word until now. They had mostly communicated with their hands, so Papyrus had concluded that they were mute. That was obviously not the case, though, because the human was laughing so hard they were clutching their stomach.

“**You finally took the bait comedian! I was starting to think you didn’t care so much about your brother after all!**”

Papyrus was confused and he didn’t like that tone of voice either. He was about to ask Sans what the human was talking about when he finally glanced at him and every thought fled from his brain.

Sans had been hit!

Papyrus had always been so careful with his brother. This time was no different. He cradled his body to him in a protective embrace and looked up to the human. He just had to make sure... their knife really was covered in blood... Sans’ blood...

Papyrus clung to his brother, his hands were wet, his brother was bleeding and there was no way he had been dealt anything below one HP. Papyrus knew it was too late. No amount of healing could help Sans now.

“SANS!!!! S-SANS, PLEASE... DON’T GO! DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE!"

“p-pap...pyrus..."

Papyrus heard himself scream as if out of his body. He was supposed to capture the human and take them to Undyne! He was supposed to give his awesome gift to Sans tonight! Everything was supposed to be alright, so why? Why would the human do something like this? And why would Sans take his hit when Papyrus was supposed to protect him! 

When Papyrus came back to his body, he was covered in dust. His hands were shaking, all his bones were rattling. He inhaled by mistake some dust, choked on it and suddenly panicked. He couldn’t breathe it, he had to take care of it, that was Sans! The wind was taking some parts of Sans away and Papyrus tried futilely to chase it. His finger slipped through the dust like through air. Sans was nothing but air now.

Papyrus fell down on his knees again, trying to find something of his brother in the dust all around him, but there was nothing. His jacket was gone, his usual shorts, even his pink slippers. There was nothing left, and his dust didn’t even smell or taste like him! It only tasted like ashes and tears and dust.

Sans was gone.

Papyrus stayed a long time on the ground, unable to move and make this a reality. As long as he stayed here, he could pretend nothing had happened and Sans was simply waiting for him back home. 

All he could think about was his gift. If he had known, he would have given it to him this morning, work be damned. Sans would have smiled at him and thanked him and he would have been so happy and they would have hugged and Papyrus would have given his brother a little kiss on his skull only because he could because he was still alive and everything would have been just perfect...

Papyrus tried picturing the scarf on his brother, but all he could see was dust.

When he finally gathered enough strength to get up, Papyrus took of his scarf and tried to put as much dust as he could find inside it. There was more snow than dust in his scarf, but even then it wasn’t that much.

He sealed his scarf as best he could and finally got up, his legs barely supporting him. The way to his home had never seemed so long before. Papyrus cradled his brother’ remains in his arms as carefully as he would have if he was still alive. 

Per custom, monsters either buried the dust of their loved one or spread it in their favourite place. Either option meant being away from him and he couldn’t do that! That was his precious big brother, he couldn’t just... abandon him.

He found a small recipient in their – his – kitchen and put the ashes in it as best he could. The snow had melted and was mixed in the dust, which made it look more like mud than remains. Some tears found their way in too, but Papyrus didn’t care and simply put the lid on the container. It was small enough to fit in his breast pocket, which made him cry even harder because that meant so much of his brother wasn’t there.

Papyrus walked to his room and opened Sans’ gift – it felt so wrong, Sans was supposed to open it, not him! The scarf was as soft and beautiful as it had been this morning and Papyrus, without thinking, put it around his neck. It was so soft! Sans would have loved it so much! The color was so perfect! 

In a fit of anger he didn’t even know he could possess, he tore the package in two, before tearing it in small pieces. This was so unfair! Why would the human do something like that! Papyrus had treated them with nothing but kindness, it just wasn’t fair!

Why, why would Sans shield him? He had to know that would kill him! Papyrus was stronger, he wouldn’t have died! He could have protected himself, he wasn’t a babybones anymore, he had more HP, DEF and ATK!

“SANS YOU BONEHEAD! WHY! WHY WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT?"

That had been so stupid! Stupid Sans, he could have protected him in another way, he could have shouted a warning, he could have used his magic! There had to be another way! So why...!

Papyrus left the mess in his room and walked to his brother’s room. It was as messy as ever. Why was there even a treadmill in here, considering Sans never exercised? Not to mention his sheets were so dirty! And the garbage tornado!

The garbage... tornado? It wasn’t a tornado anymore. All of the garbage was on the floor. 

That hurt so much he fell on his knees once more.

There would be no new notes on the sock in their living room.

Papyrus wouldn’t hear his trombone whenever something comic happened.

There would be no more bad puns.

Sans was really... gone.

After a while of crying, Papyrus gathered himself and got up. He should probably warn the monsters about the human. He should have done that earlier. That should have been the first thing he did. Who cared about his stupid scarf? The human was dangerous and he should tell Undyne. He should... He should call her.

He drew his phone from his pocket and tried to open it, but he was shaking so badly it fell on the floor. Papyrus sunk to his knees another time, berating himself for not being put together. Sans would want him to be strong and courageous and warn his friend! Sans would want him to...

He opened the phone and managed to find the contact he was looking for.

“’Sup nerd?” Undyne’s voice, though rough, was actually soothing to him. At least she was fine. That was good, right?

“UNDYNE... I..."

He couldn’t help it and started crying again, loud enough to be heard through the phone. How could he tell her the truth when he could barely think it?

“Papyrus, are you okay? Pap! Where are you? Are you hurt? Do you need me to beat up someone?”

Undyne went on with threats of violence towards his enemies and Papyrus, though everything hurt and was numb at the same time, laughed between his tears. God but he loved Undyne so much, she was the best friend! After Sans of course!

“UNDYNE, IT’S SANS... HE IS... THERE IS A HUMAN, AND THEY... THEY TRIED TO K-KILL ME, BUT SANS, HE... UNDYNE, HE TOOK THE BLOW FOR ME!"

Undyne gasped on the other side on the phone. Of course she knew about Sans’ HP. That was common knowledge. Monsters didn’t usually check each other, but Papyrus had told a lot of people, hoping they would treat Sans with better care if they knew. Sans hadn’t liked it all that much, but Papyrus felt it was necessary. People couldn’t take precautions if they didn’t know, right? No matter how much Sans insisted he was fine, Papyrus just wanted to make sure his big bro was as safe as possible...

“Pap, oh my god, I’m so sorry! Are you okay, do you need me?”

Of course he wasn’t okay. But he skipped over that and went straight to business.

“YOU NEED TO TELL PEOPLE ABOUT THE HUMAN... THEY ARE DANGEROUS UNDYNE! MONSTERS AREN’T SAFE, THEY SHOULDN’T TALK TO THEM!"

“Of course,” Undyne answered, “I’ll start the evacuation with Alphys. Do you want me to come get you? Where are you?”

“I AM HOME,” Papyrus answered, “BUT I WANT TO STAY A LITTLE WHILE LONGER. I WILL CALL YOU WHEN I AM READY TO GO!”

“Okay Pap, got it! I’m waiting for your call! Please, just, stay safe for me ok?”

“YES OF COURSE!"

Papyrus closed his phone and sighed. That was done, now what? What could he possibly do?

He was safe here, the human was probably heading to the castle to get out of the underground. Undyne and Alphys would get the evacuation underway and the human would get to the surface without encountering any monsters. That meant there was nothing left for Papyrus to do.

He looked around the room. It still smelled like his brother. There was just so much here that reminded him of Sans. He had to get out of here. He had to be somewhere else. 

That’s what he told himself, but even as he was thinking about going outside, he ended up cleaning the room. If Sans was still alive, he would have never let him touch any of this. Sans was protective of his mess, almost as if it was a part of him.

Papyrus gathered all the dirty clothes and brought them to the washing machine downstairs. Once that was done, he went to his brother’s room once more, fresh sheets in his arms. Barely aware of his actions, he put the clean sheets on the mattress, like he had always dreamed to do – not just figuratively, he had literally dreamt about it before.

He cleaned the desk too, once he was done with the rest. That’s where he found this suspicious key. That must be the key to the basement in the back of the house. Papyrus pocketed it while marveling at his brother’s many secrets. 

Once everything was cleaned, even the closet, Papyrus went back downstairs to put the clothes in the dryer. After that, he went outside to look for the basement. The key fit easily in the lock and he opened the door. He found the switch and opened the lights.

In the back of the room, there was a huge machine covered by a sheet. Papyrus was curious, but first he went through the drawers. He found a picture of Sans with strangers. He looked happier than Papyrus had ever seen him. He also wore a white coat. Papyrus knew Sans liked science, but he never knew his brother had been a scientist! When? And why did Papyrus know nothing about this?

He also found blueprints, but couldn’t read anything on it. It was written in a language he didn’t know, but he could guess it had something to do with the big machine.

Speaking of, Papyrus finally went to the machine and removed the sheets. He didn’t know what he was expecting, but it wasn’t that. It was big, but obviously incomplete. There were pieces missing. Not to mention the burnt marks.

Just what had happened, and what Sans had to do with any of this?

A better question yet: was any of this really important? His brother was dead anyway, so why did it matter?

Papyrus put everything back where it was, almost as if he was worried his brother would find out about his snooping. He left the basement and locked behind him, keeping the key in the same pocket as Sans’ dust.

He went back inside the house, pulled the clean clothes out of the dryer and sat down on the couch with it. His red scarf was still besides him on the floor, but he ignored it. Instead he folded Sans’ clothes, most of which he hadn’t worn in months, maybe years. He really was a slob, letting dirty clothes on the floor of his room for so long...

Papyrus had thought he was done crying for a while, but just as he was thinking he might be okay, his gaze fell on the famous sock, the one with the post its on it.

He put the clean clothes aside and let tears fall on his face, until they reached his blue scarf. Sans’ scarf. 

Suddenly angry again with no reason, he got up and pulled all the post it notes, tearing them apart, until he reached the famous sock. He grabbed it, went to the washing machine, put it in there with Sans’ dirty sheets, and started the machine.

As soon as it was closed, he realized what he had just done and went back to the living room. The post-its! Why would he destroy them? Panicked, he sunk to the floor and tried to put them together, but that was fruitless. The pieces were too small to put them together. It was like a puzzle but with pieces that could fit anywhere! 

He gave up and turned into a sobbing mess on the floor, wondering when he would be able to pull himself together. Why was there such a big difference between what he wanted to do and what he was actually doing? It was like his body wouldn’t listen to his soul! That was the first time he had felt so lost and confused. 

In times like these, he would usually turn to his brother for advice. 

After he managed to calm down somehow, he cleaned his tears in his scarf and got up. He grabbed the clothes and walked to his brother’s room. He put everything in place and looked around. Now that it was cleaned, Papyrus noticed for the first time how bare the room was. There was no decorations, no shelves. The desk was almost completely empty and the mattress didn’t even have a base. It was so empty, lifeless.

Papyrus reached the bed and buried himself under the sheets and blanket. There, once comfortable, he reached in his pocket and pulled the recipient. He looked at it. The grey mud was nothing like his brother. It should be blue, like his magic. That looked nothing like Sans. That looked like dirt.

Papyrus closed his eyes, clutching the container in his arms. It was so small. Nothing like Sans.

Just as he was about to go to sleep, he recalled one of his fondest memories. The first time he could remember having a nightmare when he was young. He had walked to his brother’s room and woken him up. Sans had been so patient with him, he had felt so safe and strong. Papyrus had spent the night in his bed, in his brother’s arms, feeling safe and cared for. That was one of his best memories of Sans, back when he had looked so cool and grown up to him despite being only a couple years older.

Papyrus’ dreams were strangely safe and happy, and when he woke up, for a second, he forgot what had happened. For a second, he was happy and thinking about waking his big bro for another day full of puzzles and bad jokes.

What made him remember was the container full of dust he was still clutching.

He almost threw it away by reflex, but thankfully avoided another accident and instead got up. He had fallen asleep without meaning to, and now it was night. 

He checked his phone: Undyne had tried to call him five times. Papyrus quickly dialled back, hoping nothing had happened to his friend. He didn’t think he could take it if another person he loved was taken from him.

Thankfully, Undyne answered after the first tone.

“Pap, thank god you’re okay! How are you feeling?”

“NOT REALLY GREAT,” Papyrus answered honestly. “WHAT ABOUT THE HUMAN? HAVE YOU CAUGHT THEM?"

“Actually, that was what I was calling you about. I tried to kill them, but they spared me? They... Papyrus they were really nice. I... could it be a misunderstanding? You know, Sans had only one HP, maybe they didn’t mean to...”

Papyrus believed the best in people. He really did. And he thought anybody could change. That belief was part of his soul, part of his whole being. So, the human having changed, it should be a good thing, right? They had learned it was bad to kill and had not done it again. Or perhaps it really had been an accident. After all, Sans had one HP, Papyrus had a lot more. Maybe the human had tried to put him unconscious just like Papyrus had tried with them? That would actually explain everything! 

Maybe Papyrus had even imagined the human speaking. After all, they hadn’t spoken until then, and apparently not after either.

But then... why did Papyrus feel so heavy? Why wasn’t he glad the human hadn’t meant to kill his brother?

“THAT... THAT IS GOOD NEWS, UNDYNE."

Even as he said that, Papyrus couldn’t help but feel something growling and fighting inside his chest. What was wrong with him? Everything ended up for the best, didn’t it? Sure, Sans was still gone... but at least the human was good now.

“Papyrus, you sure you’re going to be okay? I should be there with you!”

“NO, THANK YOU, BUT I NEED SOME TIME ALONE PLEASE."

Papyrus didn’t even let her say something else before he hung up. He needed to be outside of his brother’s room right this second.

He ran outside his house and, without thinking about it to, he ended up running towards Hotland. He wasn’t sure what he was planning to do, but he knew he had to do it. The heat in his chest wouldn’t leave him alone otherwise. 

He ran, and ran, until he passed the lab and even further. When he finally reached a long hallway painted in gold, he took a breath and looked around. Even though he had no reason to think so, he knew he had reached his destination.

The view from the window was breathtaking, and the golden walls illuminated everything with a peaceful orange glow. Even so, Papyrus felt anxious, the heat in his chest now burning him from the inside out.

Small steps echoed in the hall, making him jump out of his skin. When he turned around, the human was standing there, smirking at him and their eyes glowing red. The knife in their hand was pristine, but Papyrus could remember how it had looked with Sans’ red blood on it.

The human laughed that same ugly laugh as before and told him, tone as condescending as it could be, “**You took the comedian’s place! That’s so priceless! You really are brothers aren’t you?**”

Papyrus was confused, and angry, and hurt. Nothing made sense, it was like two versions of the same human existed... and yet, in all of this, of thing was crystal clear: there was nothing good left in them.

Papyrus couldn’t believe anymore.

There was just...

... no way he could believe.

Sans... his brother was dead and Papyrus... he just couldn’t do it anymore!

“HUMAN! WHY WOULD YOU DO ALL OF THIS? I DON’T UNDERSTAND! PLEASE HELP ME UNDERSTAND!"

As he was saying this, as he was pleading for his world to make sense again, Papyrus formed bones in the air around him. There were some parts of him, the same parts that was now burning so hot it was hurting, that knew this couldn’t end any other way. He should have been above it, he should be able to forgive anything... but he simply couldn’t!

The human laughed once more, apparently enjoying themselves, and Papyrus launched his first attack. The human dodged and attacked him, chipping away some of his HP. Papyrus attacked again and missed once more. None of his hits landed, not even one. Turning the human blue changed nothing. Papyrus was losing, and his HP was dropping, and the human was jumping around him, smiling, their knife now drenched in his blood.

None of this made any sense. Why was he even fighting? What was the point? If he had left the human alone, they would have left the underground by now, and Papyrus would be safe. Fighting with the human wouldn’t bring Sans back. Nothing would. At least, if Papyrus continued to live, he could honour his brother’s legacy one way or another. Certainly Sans wouldn’t want Papyrus to be fighting to the death with the human! Sans wouldn’t want Papyrus to become a killer, to gain LOVE, or to die.

Papyrus was dishonouring his brother’s memory, he was betraying all of his own beliefs. And yet, he couldn’t stop. Because, every time he thought about stopping, every time his hands lowered, he saw Sans dying, again and again and again.

The human still had all of their HPs and Papyrus’ was so low, he didn’t dare to look. He would probably die in a turn or two. Even knowing this, he didn’t try to spare or ask for mercy. The human wouldn’t give it to him anyway. He was as good as dead.

When it was his turn, he touched the scarf on his neck. It was drenched in blood and tears. Even so, it was still so soft and so perfect. Oh Sans...

He spent his turn talking. Just, talking, and not even to persuade the human: he was dying and suddenly nothing mattered anymore.

“YOU KNOW, I MADE THIS SCARF FOR MY BROTHER BECAUSE HE WAS FEELING DOWN AND I WANTED TO GIVE HIM A GIFT. I THOUGHT WE COULD MATCH. HE HAD TO BE BLUE, OF COURSE, AND I WOULD BE RED, BECAUSE I AM THE COOLER BROTHER. I WAS PLANNING TO GIVE IT TO HIM NOT LONG AFTER YOU KILLED HIM. I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU DID IT, AND NORMALLY I WOULD FORGIVE YOU, BUT I CAN’T. I’M SORRY. I FAILED YOU, AND I FAILED HIM."

The human laughed, as if this was all a terrific joke, and suddenly, everything clicked in Papyrus’ mind. This was a joke. To the human at least. This was all a game. That was why they had done what they had done. Only because they could, and because it was interesting. 

“**I only had to kill your bro for you to give up on your goody two shoes bullcrap? God, you two really are disgustingly codependent. That would be cute if it wasn’t also super creepy. And boring! Just die already, I don’t care, I honestly thought you would be stronger this time, but I was wrong. You’re weak!**”

Before Papyrus could even say anything, the human was swinging their knife at him. He tried to dodge, but he was too tired by this point and the attack landed straight at his soul. Even if his HP hadn’t been so low, this would have been a dying blow.

Still, he looked on in disbelief as the knife was pulled out of his shattering soul. He looked up to the human, wanting to say something, anything. That human had changed him in ways he hadn’t ever thought could be possible. Because of this human, he had lost all hopes. 

It felt... it felt like what Sans had been feeling, probably.

Papyrus was crying, even as his tears turned to dust. His hands started to turn as well. The human was leaving, bored now, and Papyrus thought about his brother, he thought about the human that knew way too much about them, he thought about how Sans had changed so drastically...

And just as he was turning to dust, just as the world turned black around him, Papyrus realized the truth. The world was repeating, and his brother remembered it somehow, and the human was the cause of it all. He didn’t know how or why, but it was obvious.

His last thought was a prayer.

PLEASE LET ME REMEMBER THIS!

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, ansgt...
> 
> Papyrus won’t remember btw. And the scarf thing, of course it was only for this timeline. So Sans will never know.
> 
> So, euh, enjoyed?


End file.
